Three days to fill

I survived Christmas. My mum came over for lunch, which she had prepared (as my cooking skills are seriously impaired at the moment, due to lack of focus and concentration). I struggled to fill the four hours we spent together, as she is not the most talkative person and we don't share many interests, so we run out of things to say.

She pretended not to notice the bandages on my arms, which were covered by the long sleeves that I always wear, but are bulky and make my arms look twice as fat as usual. If she had asked, I would have explained, but she would rather avoid difficult conversations.

I have three days to fill before starting the Day Unit. Three long, empty days alone. In the back of my mind, there is the urge to burn myself again. No, not an urge exactly, more the idea that I could if I wanted to. And if I am not careful, it could become an urge, and then a compulsion that would be difficult to resist.

My concentration is erratic, but my energy levels are up, so the anti-depressant increase has worked. But I feel edgy and itchy (physically, I mean, due to the burns healing process, but it affects me mentally as I become restless and irritable). I feel like I need to go out today, but not sure where. Definitely not anywhere that will be busy. It's still icy so a walk in the park would not be wise as I am clumsy at the moment and I'm sure I will fall over.

I have a few activities at home that will hopefully keep me occupied:

Crochet project - I'm making little toy animals.

Sewing project - finishing off another toy animal.

Jigsaw

Piano practice - something I haven't done for months, but Superstar psych thinks it will help my brain to focus.

Mindfulness exercise - another suggestion from psych - need to do 10 minutes a day


I am scared that this is not enough, that by Tuesday I will be so fed up with this distracting, and the stress level will build up and up. And being alone and having minimal human contact is not good for me and leads to me losing touch with reality and going a bit weird and borderline psychotic.