What is wrong with me? My head is messy, I have thoughts that jump from one idea to another with no connection. It is an effort to perform simple tasks and to make sense of things.
I have thoughts and ideas that I don't want and they seem to come from nowhere. I am looking for signs that will help me to decide whether to self harm or not. So far, there have been about the same of each. I don't know what the signs are until I notice them. They may be words that stand out at me on an advert on a bus shelter or a newspaper someone is reading. Or events or situations that happen.
How will self harm help? It has to be something major, like another burn, as only extreme pain will snap me out of my confusion back into reality. I feel out of sync with my surroundings; the world seems faster, louder and brighter than it should be. When I'm outside, I am fearful and nervous. At home, I am more easily disturbed or irritated by small things.
Being at the Day Unit today helped. It is quiet there, but I'm not on my own. I am trying to use the therapy and be hopeful that it will help. It's all I have. If it doesn't work, then I don't know if I have any more options.
No comments:
Post a Comment