I've been meaning to post for the last few days, but my messy brain wouldn't let me. I had a case conference on Tuesday and although it was intimidating to sit in a room with all five therapists from the Day Unit plus Superstar psych, I felt that a few helpful suggestions were made. I now have to actually take action but at least I feel that there are things I can do that may help. And even if they don't, I will have tried.
One of my meds has been increased (Chlorpromazine, otherwise known as Largactil) which has reduced the feelings of anxiety and agitation. My head is a bit fuzzy and I feel slowed down but at least I feel more relaxed. And I sleep really well. This medication is a temporary measure - ultimately, it will be the therapy that will improve my state of mind. Although I am worried that it won't. And what then?
I have been at the Day Unit for three weeks, and it has been intense and hard work. It is difficult to explain the therapeutic process. Here is a site with some definitions and description of MBT: http://www.mentalising.com/index.html As a person who is experiencing it in a group and individual setting, the theory doesn't seem apparent and the the dialogue between therapists and patients feels natural and exploratory.
My head is not clear enough to descibe it more at the moment. I am struggling with the weekends and the emptiness of them. I have absolutely nothing to do today, just and empty day to fill and it stretches ahead of me. This is a dangerous time, when I am less strong to resist the urge to harm myself.
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